i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
