The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
