First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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