Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
