We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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