Pappa wants mamma naked
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
