Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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