Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
