3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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