Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
