Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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