I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
