I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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