i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
