I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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