Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
