My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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