i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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