omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
