Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
