apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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