I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
