Umm I'm too high to move.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
