dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
