she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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