just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
