Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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