Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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