Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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