He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
