at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're using joints as your birthday candles
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
