The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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