i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
