remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
