I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
