I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
