what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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