what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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