she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
