Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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