apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
