I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
