i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
