Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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