I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
