Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
