i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
