At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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