i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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