I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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