It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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