imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Randomize
