dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
